Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
