HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
