As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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