He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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