If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
