So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
