Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
