the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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