I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
