My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
