Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
