It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
