i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
