My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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