Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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