I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
