Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
