I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
