remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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