Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
