our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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