Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
