How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
