Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
