you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Are we in a gay sports bar?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
