please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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