Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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