I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
