it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
