yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
