she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
