i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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