You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
