I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize