he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
