If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You dont lie about slip and slides
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Still dying that you shit outside
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
