Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The feeling are messing with the penis
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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