Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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