You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you didnt know i had herpes?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
