Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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