The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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