doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
