This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I want her autograph on my taint
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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