You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
