I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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