wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
