Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
