I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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