I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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