he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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