why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
