I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
