i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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