Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
