I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
