What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
