rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
