My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They took my balls.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
