i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
