this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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