As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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