He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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