that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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