Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
