just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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